September 17, 2001
Everyone needs nurturing, now more than ever. If mornings are a screaming match to get everyone out of the house on time, or weekends are one big fight over the remote, take this opportunity to regroup and plan your life a little better.
Maybe everyone should wake up a half an hour earlier or take turns choosing a show. Routines that cause harsh words must be changed. With just a little planning and effort, it is possible to greatly increase family harmony.
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October 8, 2001
After a long day, we often let our temper get the best of us and say things we don't mean. Afterward, instead of apologizing, we justify our behavior by trying to prove to ourselves how much the other person deserved our wrath.
Next time, as soon as you recognize that you spoke harshly, commit to doing better next time. If you can apologize, so much the better.
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October 28, 2001
For the average frenzied household, taking the time to say things nicely takes far too much effort. "My kid knows I love him, I don't have time to monitor every word I say!" But most of us can remember a seemingly innocuous comment made to us. "You're not as pretty as your sister, but looks aren't the only thing that's important." Or, "Why can't you be more athletic like your brother?" Words have the power to echo forever -- make them good ones.
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November 11, 2001
After an argument, everyone walks around giving each other the cold shoulder, which accomplishes nothing. Next time, remember that if someone stubbornly refuses to give in on an issue, there's no faster way to get that person to soften up than to say a few kind words. The harmony in your home will return, and future arguments will be less disruptive.
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Thanksgiving 2001
Recipe for Thanksgiving dinner:
Turkey served with a loving heart, a handful of compliments, a splash of humor, and a whole bunch of gratitude. Have a happy and healthy Thanksgiving.
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December 11, 2001
The telephone can make it so simple to tear someone down or build someone up. Two "Words Can Heal" subscribers took upon themselves to once a day turn a routine telephone call into an opportunity to make someone feel good. Here are their stories:
- Janice
Janice had almost finished returning her telephone messages when she realized that she had not yet fulfilled her daily commitment to use her telephone to make someone feel good. The last call on her list was to the mother of her daughter’s teammate, a woman she barely knew, in order to change the carpool schedule.
"What could I possibly say to this woman to make her feel better?" Janice thought as she dialed.
Once the carpool schedule was changed, before hanging up, Janice said, "I want you to know that it makes me feel secure that my daughter is riding with such a careful, safe driver."
"You don’t know what it means to me to hear you say that," came the earnest reply. "My husband is always criticizing my driving, although I feel that I’m a good driver. I guess your daughter noticed how careful I am, and said something. You just made my day."
- Doug
Doug came home to find a message from Jack Kramer on his answering machine. Jack, an old college buddy, had spent the last fifteen years in and out of mental hospitals. Now he was on medication, living at home with his parents. He called Doug every couple weeks and talked for an hour, complaining about his doctor, his medication, his parents, and his life.
Doug dreaded returning Jack’s call, but when he remembered his inner commitment to make one call a day to make someone feel good, he thought, "What the heck! This will be my ‘Words Can Heal’ call for today."
Doug dialed the number. For the first time ever, Jack’s mother answered. Jack was not home (much to Doug’s secret relief), so Doug left a message.
Doug was about to hang up when instead he blurted out to Mrs. Kramer, whom he had never met: "I know it must not be easy to deal with Jack and his illness. It must take a lot of endurance and patience on your part to still be taking care of a child Jack’s age, and without even the usual perks of parenthood. You must be a very special woman."
Doug expected to hear a polite, "Thank you." Instead he heard . . . silence and then crying. After a couple minutes, Mrs. Kramer composed herself enough to say, "You are the first person in all these years to give me any recognition for what I do for Jack. Yes, it is very, very difficult. Everyone commiserates with Jack, but no one has ever noticed how hard it is for me. Until now."
After exchanging a few more appreciative sentences, Doug hung up. He felt like a million bucks, as if he had dug a small hole to plant a flower, and instead struck gold.
He glanced at his watch. It had taken him six minutes.
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Tips of the Week: At Home