The Handbook Online

Chapter 5: Success Stories

Think of what you might accomplish in a single day if you spoke kind words to everyone. Everyone around you would enjoy being with you and you would feel euphoric! It is truly within your power.

Rather than complaining about how much others disappoint you,if you focus on the positive and praise them instead, you will enjoy people much more. You will also help them fulfill their potential because they will strive to meet your positive expectations of them. They will be better people because of you, which means they will also disappoint you less.

The behavior of the people around you is very much determined by how you treat them. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be the kind of person who brings out the best in people? You don't have to wait. You can start now.

Ken & Marla

Ken sat in a coffee shop staring down at his sandwich. He didn't have an appetite, but he knew he had to eat. This had been the worst month of his life. He had been fired from his stock brokerage job when his new boss swept the office clean of slow producers. Ken had been in a slump, but during fifteen years of ups and downs, he had shown that he could always bounce back eventually. The new boss wasn't willing to wait.

Ken sipped his coffee. The café was nearly empty. Marla, the waitress, came over and poured more coffee into Ken's cup. Marla had been serving Ken for ten years, and they knew about each other's lives. Now, as he walked the streets looking for work, he came in every day as if nothing had changed.

Ken had always felt secure, thinking that if he was ever fired, he could make a few phone calls and have another job within a few hours. Now he was shocked at how quickly his friends had cast him off. How sharp was the modern dagger of simply not returning a phone call.

Ken had spent his career making deals on the phone, and now he could not even get a single person to call him. His self-esteem had never been lower in his life.

He bit into his sandwich. Maybe he was just too old. The brokerage houses all wanted inexperienced, cheap, new hires. How they could employ people who had no idea what they were doing baffled Ken, but it seemed to be the trend.

Marla came over to him. "Ken, go sit at that table over there with those two men. I think I just got you a job."

Ken stared at her incredulously. "Are you joking?" he asked.

Marla replied, "No, I overheard them say that these new brokers don't know what they're doing, and that they need someone who really knows how to manage people to come in and take charge."

Ken cracked a smile. "So you thought of me? I've never managed people in my life. I wouldn't even know where to begin!"

"Look Ken. All I know is, for ten years, you've always said kind things to me. You are the only one who asks me how I am, and you're the only one who ever asked to see a picture of my daughter. If there's anyone who knows how to treat people, it's you. I told Jimmy that, too; he's been a customer of mine for years. "

Ken looked at her with surprise and appreciation. He glanced at the men in the far booth and realized they were waiting for him. "Jimmy" happened to be James Barron, the head of the largest brokerage firm in town. That day Ken started a whole new career as the firm's manager.

We say kind words to be nice,
but we never know when our kind words
will pay us back tenfold.

The Williams Family

The Williams family was having a lot of difficulties. Teresa Williams was a single mother, and she had her hands full working as an assistant in a law firm. Her son, Mitch, was one of the best baseball players in his high school, but he was failing math and doing poorly in all of his subjects. His sister, Tara, constantly made fun of his lack of intelligence, and he always wisecracked about her acne. There was no harmony in their family life.

Teresa's law firm had an annual picnic, and it was always a chore to get her children to come, but this year was different. A famous baseball star was a client of the firm, and he had promised to come to the picnic. Mitch was beside himself with excitement. He brought three baseballs to have signed.

The picnic was held in a large municipal park with acres of forest surrounding a huge stretch of lawn where the football field and baseball diamond were located. The baseball star hadn't arrived yet, so Mitch went over to watch the lawyers and staff toss the baseball around. Suddenly, a woman started screaming. Her five-year-old son, Ben, had wandered off, and she had no idea where he had gone.

Mitch looked in her direction. There was a path going up a hill, but if he were a little boy, he would opt for running through the tall grass. Mitch jumped up and ran into the grass, followed by many of the men. Others went up the path.

They were shouting Ben's name, but there was no answer. Everyone had that sick feeling that occurs when doom seems imminent. There was a stream nearby, and everyone began to fear the worst. They began to run to the stream to look for little Ben.

As they continued searching, it occurred to Mitch that with all the shouting, he only way that Ben wouldn't shout back was if he were injured. Or, he suddenly realized, if Ben was hiding from them. With that thought in mind, Mitch surveyed the area again. There was a large tree just before the tall grass. Mitch ran back by himself and climbed the tree. There sat Ben hiding behind all the full branches, laughing at being caught.

After Ben got a scolding from his mother, everyone went back to the baseball diamond. By then, the baseball star had arrived and had heard the whole story.

He came up to Mitch and said words that Mitch never forgot: "You know, a lot of people have smarts. But who needs smarts if you have common sense? You're going to go far, kid. "

Mitch was never the same.

From that day forward, he used whatever skills he had to the best of his ability. He worked harder in school and did better. He had more respect for himself, so Tara gained more respect for him also. She stopped teasing him, and he did likewise. Their family life really improved.

To this day, he credits those encouraging words for making him happy and successful in his life.

A word of encouragement doesn't cost a dime,
but it can sustain someone for a lifetime.

Eli and Mr. Martin

Mr. Martin gave Eli his first job. He was hired as a stock boy, but work was hard to find in those days, so Eli did whatever Mr. Martin asked of him. Some days that included cleaning out Mr. Martin's garage, running errands, and cleaning the bathrooms in Mr. Martin's house. Eli was treated very poorly, but he needed the money, so he never told anyone.

One time before the holidays, Mr. Martin asked Eli if he wanted to work extra to help stock the holiday merchandise. He said he would make it worth Eli's while. Eli was very excited and worked until midnight for two weeks. When he opened his paycheck, there was just the regular hourly rate. Eli was very upset; he had had the impression that he would be paid double time for the extra hours. Eli complained, but Mr. Martin said that he had never said anything about paying him double time. Eli was crestfallen, but he didn't complain to anyone else. He didn't want to lose his job.

After many years, Eli decided to go into the army. He had the urge to finally tell Mr. Martin off, but he restrained himself. He just figured that no good would come of it.

After the army, Eli came back to his hometown, and Mr. Martin offered him his old job back. Eli felt like laughing in Mr. Martin's face. But he didn't. Instead, he thanked Mr. Martin for the offer and told him that he was moving to the city to pursue his life's dream of owning his own store. Mr. Martin smiled but said nothing.

Ten years later, Eli did own his own store. It was in a good location, and he really knew how to treat customers well. Unfortunately, he operated on such a tight budget that he could never keep enough inventory in stock to run the business properly. He was always running out of things, and his customers were becoming frustrated with shopping there.

One afternoon, Mr. Martin walked into Eli's shop. Eli was thrilled. He hadn't seen Mr. Martin in a decade, and it was a glorious feeling to show Mr.

The momentary pleasure one gets from venting anger is often replaced by regret. And many times, the damage cannot be undone.

Martin how his errand boy had turned into a successful businessman.

Mr. Martin walked around the shop. Then he said, "You'll be closed in six weeks. You'll never make it with these shelves half empty."

Eli was crushed. Mr. Martin turned around and walked out the door.

Eli was so angry; he wanted to tell everyone never to set foot in Mr. Martin's store again. He wanted to find a way to get revenge. But he did not do anything. Life was too short to waste his time being angry.

A few days later there was a check in the mail for more money than Eli had ever seen in his life. It was from Mr. Martin. There was an accompanying letter explaining that the money was a loan for Eli to buy more merchandise. If Eli agreed to the loan at the standard interest rate, then he should sign the letter and return it.

Eli was shocked. He had tried to get a loan at several banks, but he had no collateral, no property, and no track record. No one believed in him. Except for the man whom Eli thought was put on earth to make his life miserable.

Eli signed the document and returned it. With the money, he filled his shelves. The business did so well that Eli was able to pay back the loan within six months. Two years later Eli borrowed again from Mr. Martin and opened another store a mile away. By the time Eli retired, he had nine stores, all of which were owned and operated by his extended family.

So many times Eli had suppressed his urge to speak negatively about Mr.Martin. If he had made even one negative comment that got back to Mr. Martin, Eli would never have been able to realize his life's dream. Eli taught his children and grandchildren that just a little restraint can pay off well in this world.

The temptation to bad-mouth someone
who has hurt us is great.
But the rewards for refraining are even greater.

Diane & Greta

Greta, the new vice president of sales, called Diane into her office. Diane sat opposite her and they began reviewing the schedule. After a while, Greta turned to Diane and asked her what she thought of Derek. Derek had just recently taken the credit for a report that Diane had worked on. Here was Diane's opportunity for revenge, as well as a chance to bond with Greta.

She took a deep breath, as if to give herself strength to do what she felt was right rather than stooping to bad-mouth Derek. She replied that Derek was very dependable. Greta eyed her suspiciously and asked her if Derek should be promoted; Diane answered that she was not capable of judging.

Then Greta asked about Fay, another person from Diane's department. Fay always came in an hour late, but she really worked hard. Diane said that she was a hard worker. Greta began to ask about a third employee when Diane got up the courage to say that she really did not feel comfortable speaking about the other people in the office. Stunned, Greta went back to reviewing the schedule with her.

When Diane walked out of the office, she felt as if she had blown a chance to get on Greta's good side. Now, she felt, Greta would just get the inside scoop from someone else, and she would be left out of the inner circle. Diane felt that at least she would be able to respect herself for doing the right thing.

Greta didn't call her into her office for the next week.

If we feel intimidated by someone, we might gossip in order to impress the person with our inside knowledge. Our effort is bound to backfire, however, since the impression we are more likely to convey is that we can’t be trusted.

During that time, Diane, who had always been somewhat of a leader in the office, felt as if her clout was diminishing. Greta pulled all the other employees into her office and questioned each one at length about the department.

And then, late on a Friday afternoon, the perfect time for firing someone, Diane was called into Greta's office. When she arrived, the president of the company was also there. Diane could see the writing on the wall.

They sat her down, and the president said that of the twenty-four people in Diane's department, Diane was the only one who did not speak badly about anyone. The president said that someone who cares that much about people would be the best one to lead

Don’t ever stop to wonder if you did the right thing by refraining from gossiping. The answer is always yes. You may not see the positive results directly, but know that good always comes from it.

them. He asked if Diane would consider becoming the new vice president of her department.

Diane stared at Greta in confusion. Greta explained that she had stepped in as interim vice president of sales merely to hire someone from within the department for that position. Greta had actually been hired to be the new vice president of marketing.

Diane did accept the job, and because of her loyalty to her staff, and her zero tolerance for gossip and back-stabbing, Diane built the best sales department the company had ever had. There was high morale, low turnover, and a sense of camaraderie and trust that made working in her department a pleasure.

The long-term benefits of not speaking
derogatorily about others cannot be underestimated.

Rachel &Michelle

Rachel picked up her phone to hear someone screaming at her. Rachel remained silent while the person ranted, realizing it was Michelle, the woman who delivered her newspaper. Apparently Rachel hadn't paid her bill, and Michelle had to advance the money out of her own pocket. Rachel interrupted the shouting and said she would call the newspaper to find out what was going on.

The newspaper apologized for neglecting to send Rachel a bill. They told her that Michelle had indeed advanced sixteen dollars to Rachel's account, but Rachel could just leave a check for Michelle taped to her door the following morning.

Rachel was furious that Michelle hadn't first checked with her own office to figure out what the problem was before screaming at her. She called Michelle to tell her that it was the newspaper's fault, but Michelle simply started screaming at her again. Michelle said that she had children to feed and that Rachel was selfish for not calling the newspaper to ask why her bill never came. Every morning for months she had expected Rachel's check, but it was never there. Rachel's head was spinning, and then Michelle slammed down the phone.

Rachel stood holding the phone in the air. She was dumbstruck. She wanted to call the newspaper and get Michelle fired. But for some reason, she had a pang of sympathy for this poor, mixed-up woman.

She sat there for several minutes wondering what to do. All this for a lousy sixteen dollars! Then it occurred to her that if Michelle was that upset over sixteen dollars, she must be in pretty horrible financial shape.

Rachel thought of an idea, and suddenly, she felt a kind of elation that she had never felt before. She wrote a check out for twenty-five dollars and left it in an envelope for Michelle. She added a note saying that she was sorry and that she had enclosed a tip for causing Michelle so much trouble.

The next day,Michelle called to apologize to Rachel. Michelle said she was pregnant, and her emotions were totally out of control. She said that her husband was in the hospital, and that she and the kids were on the verge of being kicked out of their apartment. They were desperate for money.

Michelle said that when she opened Rachel's letter, the kind words and the check made her feel like the world wasn't such a rotten place after all.

We never know the impact of our words.
Kindness in the face of anger
can produce miracles.

George

George adjusted his tie in the mirror. Going to this luncheon was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. Not many people knew about his business bankruptcy yet,

It is very hard to undo the damage once you've embarrassed someone. Think carefully before you speak, especially in a public setting.

and this important group of entrepreneurs was his best shot to get a job. He would have to take the chance that someone there might know about it and say something embarrassing.

George pulled into the circular drive of the hotel. His self-confidence was shot, but he tried to bolster himself as he walked toward the reception area. Everyone stood around in small clusters waiting for the luncheon to begin. His anxiety level peaked as he saw some of the men reading the local paper. He had forgotten to check it.

One man looked up at him and shouted, "Hey George,what happened?"

George pretended not to realize that the man was talking to him.

"George!" the man called out again. "Isn't this your office?" he asked holding up a picture of George's office with the headline "Local Firm Goes Bankrupt. " The commotion quieted the room. George's face turned deep crimson. He stood in the middle of the room, all eyes upon him. This was his worst nightmare.

The man who had yelled to George crumbled the newspaper, horrified at what he had done. He hadn't meant to embarrass George; he was stunned about the news and was just trying to get clarification.

Everyone stood motionless; no one knew what to say or do to break the awful silence.

Then Craig Newman,one of the most prominent businessmen in town, called out, "Hey, George, I went bankrupt three times before I made it. In fact, I've never hired a manager who couldn't tell me about a failure. That's the only way you really learn how to do things right." He came over to George and slapped him on the back. Then he added, "Hey, someone better snap George up quickly. His experience is the best insurance policy that the same thing won't happen to you!"

Craig Newman's kind words saved George at one of the worst moments of his life. The room started buzzing with conversation again, and George got two job leads to follow up on.

Even when it feels uncomfortable or embarrassing
for you to speak up, a kind word can save
someone years of anguish.

Ann & Mrs. Morgan

Ann was a terrible student. She was smart, but she just didn't care. She was eleven years old and had declined in just about every way since her father had left two years earlier. Her mother worked two jobs and didn't get home until eight or sometimes nine at night. Ann had only the TV and a stuffed frog for company.

Down the hallway from Ann lived Mrs. Morgan, known as "the crazy lady in 1F." Mrs. Morgan had been a recluse ever since her son had died five years earlier. She played the piano every afternoon, and Ann made a habit of sitting in the hallway outside her door listening; she didn't care what anyone else thought. It was the most glorious music she had ever heard.

After many weeks, Mrs. Morgan finally let Ann sit on the couch to listen, and Ann was overjoyed. There were piles of piano books everywhere, but Mrs. Morgan hadn't taught anyone in five years.

People often prejudge others and lose a wonderful opportunity to be close to them.

Finally, one day, Mrs. Morgan let Ann sit down on the bench next to her. Ann thought her heart would burst. Mrs. Morgan didn't speak to Ann but simply began playing a lighthearted piece by Mozart. Ann couldn't contain her joy, and tears began flowing down her face. When Mrs. Morgan noticed, she stopped her playing and looked at Ann, and then took Ann by surprise. She put both her arms around Ann, and began weeping.

They sat crying in each other's arms, but slowly, their crying turned into laughter. The two of them laughed the most full-bodied laugh that either of them had in years.

From that day forward, Ann had a lesson with Mrs. Morgan twice a week at no charge. They worked through Bach and Mozart, and Ann proved a natural. Mrs. Morgan's encouraging words were like water to a thirsty plant, and Ann began to blossom. Mrs. Morgan told Ann that dreams really can come true if you're willing to work for them. Those words changed Ann's life.

Ann practiced in Mrs. Morgan's apartment for hours, and her dedication was inspiring. Her schoolwork also improved steadily. Mrs. Morgan's faith in her pupil's abilities spread to all areas of Ann's life. It was a proud moment when a photo of Ann and Mrs. Morgan was placed on the piano.

It sat next to the photo of her deceased son.

Then came the sad day when Ann's mother told her that they were moving out of state. Ann cried for hours. On the day they left, Ann sat her frog on the piano to keep Mrs. Morgan company. Mrs. Morgan accepted it with reluctance because she knew how much it meant to Ann. It was the last thing Ann's father had given her.

Many years passed and Mrs. Morgan took Nathan, her top student, downtown. A prominent university was holding auditions in their city. Mrs. Morgan sat down in the auditorium as Nathan went up on stage to sit at the grand piano.

The professor sat in the first row, a large clipboard in her hand. The audition went very well, and the professor walked Nathan over to Mrs. Morgan to share the good news that he was accepted into the university. When they got close enough to recognize each other, Ann, the professor, fell onto Mrs. Morgan's shoulder. Again they cried in each other's arms.

When they composed themselves, Mrs. Morgan was the first to speak. "Ann, I don't know how to ever thank you. You gave me my life back. "

Ann looked at her, astonished that she was the one being thanked. "No. Thank you, "she responded. "You gave me my life. "

It's all in the power of words . . . .

Epilogue

You have the power to create a beautiful life. It's all in the words that you choose to say or refuse to say. Each day provides new opportunities either to hurt or to heal, and in this way, you create who you are. The path of healing with words is harder. It takes more thought, more time, and more determination. And it will seem that everyone around you is trying to sabotage your efforts. But your happiness, and the happiness of those around you, depends on the words that you speak.What's it going to be today?

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